Summit Invitation And Registration

David Nakhla 0:00

Hello deacons, this is David Knockla. If you've listened to the last week's special episode, you heard all about the National Diaconal Summit coming this June. If that didn't quite convince you and you're still on the fence about going, that's okay. We get it. We can fully appreciate all it takes to step away from work, family, and church responsibilities for a few days. But let me just encourage you, if there's nothing particularly pressing that's keeping you home and you're mostly wondering if it'll be really worth your while, please know that the response we consistently get from deacons who've come in the past is that it was well worth their while. They would not have wanted to miss it. For those of you who've been before might be thinking that because you've attended a previous summit, you won't benefit from attending another one. You need to know that this year's summit has an amazing lineup of new speakers, and many of whose topics have never been covered at a previous summit. If you're one of those who don't plan to attend because conference talks are not your thing, know that we intentionally plan for a good bit of fellowship time to relax, connect, sit around the fire pit, and talk with fellow deacons who can relate to the diagonal matters you're currently facing. It may sound like we've been talking a lot about the summit lately, but remember it only happens every four years, and it really is something you don't want to miss. We invest a lot of thought, time, energy, and financial resources into these summits with the hopes that it'll be of a great encouragement and benefit to deacons. Brothers, the goal of the summit is simple: to provide a relaxed space for deacons to fellowship, network, learn, and be encouraged in your labors. Please consider joining us. Free registration ends April 15th. The sooner you register, the more choices you have for the workshop topics you can attend. Go to opcccdm.org and click on the gray banner at the top to register. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to reach out. Email us at diaconalministries at opc.org.

Worship First And Inclusive Missions

SPEAKER_02 1:54

We all have the same call to worship. John Piper said in Let the Nations Be Glad that missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is. Missions exist because worship doesn't. We should engage in missions. We should engage in evangelism. And this needs to include people with disabilities and special needs simply because we're all people and we all need a savior.

David Nakhla 2:19

Welcome to the Reformed Deacon, a casual conversation with topics specifically designed to help local Reformed Deacons. There are nearly a thousand deacons in the OPC alone. So let's take this opportunity to learn from and encourage one another. We're so glad you could join us. Let's jump into our next episode.

Guest Stories Of Disability And Faith

SPEAKER_08 2:39

Hello, my name is Adrian Crumb, and I serve on the Committee of Diaconal Ministries of the Orthodox Presbyterian Church. Today we come to the topic of how deacons can walk alongside of and coordinate both the service and care for families with special needs. I want to begin our podcast today reviewing the basics of what a deacon is, because I think so often we can forget this. In the Orthodox Presbyterian Church, we understand the diaconate not merely as a committee for building maintenance, but it's a formal gathering of brothers set aside for the Ministry of Mercy designed to reflect the very heart of Christ. As stewards of care, deacons are called to be frontline of support for those in distress. And it's a wonderful way that they can also have service to families navigating the complexities of special needs. Deacons have an opportunity as stewards of Christ's gifts in the church to acquaint themselves with specific, often hidden struggles of these households to ensure that no member of the body suffers in isolation. Whether it's coordinating respite care or advocating for accessibility or managing daily distribution of resources to support a family in crisis, deacons fulfill the biblical mandate of Acts 6 by ensuring the church's compassion is both tangible and consistent. On the Reform Deacon Podcast today, I want us to explore how deacons can honor families with special needs, acknowledging them as necessary building blocks in Jesus' living temple. Though they navigate unique challenges, we would not be Christ's church without them. It's Christ's body, after all. And he's called us not only to minister to families, but with families who have special needs that we would see families with special needs as integral parts and servants in the church that Christ has built around himself as the cornerstone. We're grateful to have on the podcast today Mike and Naomi Scout, an OPC Church Planting Family from Zealand, Michigan. Mike is a good friend of mine. And his brother died last year. And I was so moved getting to attend Stephen's funeral to consider how this church, Grace Fellowship, honored this brother. He lived throughout his life with uncontrolled seizure disorder. Mike just so evidently looked up to his brother, and I was very, very moved by that. I'm grateful that we get to hear more about how the Lord worked in Mike's life through his brother. Naomi Mike's wife has served at Grace Fellowship many years, now four years teaching an adult special needs Sunday school class called Wonderfully Made. On the call with us also today is Eddie and Hillary Mercado. They have moved back to West Michigan. I'm so grateful to have them at Harvest. Eddie serves as an associate pastor, one of the pastors here in the same congregation that I'm serving in. Their oldest son, Calvin, is born with nonverbal autism and has given them a profound heart for ministry. Rather than viewing this as a weakness, I've just really deeply respected how the Mercados see Calvin as a gift from Christ intended to strengthen their family's ability to care for God's people. And then finally, Nikki Gotch is on the call with us as well. Nikki serves on the witness team for Harvest, helping to plan both short-term and long-term missions projects, and then also thinking through ways to serve newcomers at Harvest. She took the pattern of Naomi's class Wonderfully Made and started a class recently at Harvest. Thank you guys so much for joining me on Reform Deacon today. To get us started, could each of you just share a bit of your story? Maybe Mike and Naomi, you could start just talking about how your family has seen a lifelong journey of faith as Mike's looked up to his brother and also led sort of the way in thinking about how to care for families with special needs.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Yeah, thanks, Adrian. Great to join you today. So special needs has been a huge part of our lives. As you mentioned, my brother Stephen had a lifelong battle with epilepsy, and the Lord took him home about a year ago. So that shaped me immensely throughout my life, just taught me a lot of things that I'd love to talk about today. And Naomi also grew up in a family that had a big heart for those with various disabilities. Her mom worked for an organization that helped such people. And when Naomi and I met, Naomi was involved in that ministry as well. So it's been a big part of our lives.

SPEAKER_08 6:39

That's wonderful. Eddie and Hillary, can you just introduce yourselves a little bit, maybe share some of the benefits and challenges of training to be a pastor's family with an oldest son with special needs?

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Yeah, so I'm Hillary, and we have four kids. Calvin is our oldest, and he's 11 years old. You said he does have autism and is nonverbal, but he is one of the most joyful people that I know, very affectionate, and he has been a blessing to our family in that we've been able to learn so much from him in how to not just serve him and love him, but also how he shows us how we are to serve and love one another. And it's definitely affected even just our daily lives in terms of we have like an acute understanding of needing to be heavenly minded. So yeah, we'd like to share a lot about what we've learned alongside Calvin.

SPEAKER_08 7:36

Thank you guys. And then Nikki, you're just starting off a class. You've taught it for the fall at Harvest, the wonderfully made class at Harvest. Can you share a little bit about that and how your heart for that developed from your own past and story?

SPEAKER_02 7:49

Yes. We did just start a wonderfully made class at Harvest this past fall. We have two students in that class. But I had been serving as a Sunday school aide to one of those students for maybe four or five years now. And my heart just grew out of that. My own son has autism. And so I had an opportunity to be with my child through so many different medical issues and therapies, and just really felt called to use that training to serve and bless our church. As we have just seen and been the recipients of so much kindness and care and love from Harvest. We've just really come to love our church family there.

How To Approach Without Awkwardness

SPEAKER_08 8:36

Thank you so much, guys. One of the questions I wanted to ask Mike is I think sometimes people don't know how to relate to families or people with special needs. You probably saw a lot of embarrassing or kind of missteps that people make. Could you help someone who's listening to this, Mike, just kind of take the pressure off of them and help them to step toward families with special needs and kind of think through how to address that in the church?

SPEAKER_03 8:59

Sure. You know, growing up with Steven, it was just normal for me. You know, I didn't have to think about how to love him or, you know, how that impacted me at the time. It just was what it was. So I think people who have been exposed to special need situations are for sure naturally just able to move towards them. They're not intimidated, it's just what we're used to. I do think that people who have not been around individuals with different needs like that need to be encouraged to receive the compassion of Jesus and then move towards others with that same compassion. I think there's ways we can equip and encourage and train. But I think one of the things that just strikes me is that all of these individuals are made in the image of God and have needs, but also have wonderful gifts to share and have personalities, and they like things and they don't like certain things. And so they're people to know, they're people to ask questions of, to humanize it more, and just to realize like we're all broken. And um, and so often, in my case, Steven was the one ministering to me, not the other way around. So just learning to get to know them as image bearers and as people and as friends.

SPEAKER_08 10:19

That's so good. I have a young lady in our youth group, and I think some of the sort of silliness or missteps that I would make, she's in a wheelchair, and it's just dumb, but like sometimes I will like speak more loudly to her as if she can't hear or something like that, or I won't sort of come down to her level, oftentimes with games and like not thinking through, hey, is this a game that she could play? Can she engage? And she loves she's very straightforward. I appreciate her a lot, but she will just tell me, like, hey, make me the judge of the game. I'll make sure everyone's following the rules. And uh we were very grateful for her.

SPEAKER_04 10:51

I think you kind of hit a spot there. I think we sometimes just make assumptions because maybe we're uncomfortable or haven't been taught or have been exposed to how to love those with needs. And so I do think like a lot of it is on us as individuals ourselves to actually just do the work of asking questions and getting to know these individuals and their families to really find out more of who they are, what they love, what they don't like, rather than just making assumptions. Just like we would with anyone else in a relationship. It just we need to be encouraged, and I think it starts from leadership too, you know, just to encourage to love as Christ would. And that that comes through, you know, asking good questions and really getting to know each individual because every single person is different.

Serving Without A Fixer Mindset

SPEAKER_08 11:46

That's very, very helpful, Naomi. Thank you so much for sharing that. I am a dad of four girls. Eddie and Hillary are a dad of four kids, so uh you guys juggle a lot on a regular day. But I think with a kid with special needs, you can sometimes be treated as sort of a problem to be fixed, like, hey, come to harvest and we're gonna kind of try to fix this in your family. Eddie, could you just share a little bit of how we could not maybe treat families as a pity project or something like that?

SPEAKER_07 12:12

Sure. It is certainly tempting to see a family or an individual in need and to try to, in a sense, right every wrong. And and and as deacons, you're entrusted with protecting a believer's joy in the Lord. And if there's something that gets in the way, you you have this natural desire to want to help that. But as the hands and feet of Jesus as a deacon, we you have to recognize that you are not Jesus. And you ultimately cannot fix the problem of disability. Jesus promises to do that. If not in this life, certainly in the next. And so when a deacon comes to a particular family or an individual with a disability trying to fix the problem, it's ultimately going to lead them to frustration, perhaps even despair. And it will also keep that deacon from seeing the person across from him as a human, an image bearer, one with weaknesses just like you have, although in a different expression. And so for that reason, it'd be wise for deacons, other officers in the church to be mindful as you seek to serve a family, an individual with a disability, to see, you know, what exactly is my posture here? Am I trying to be Jesus here? Um, because I I don't have to. Uh I simply need to extend the love of Jesus, you know, in a humble, a modest way.

SPEAKER_08 13:41

Thank you. Yeah, Hillary, any uh concrete stories or other things you'd like to share about that?

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Yeah. So thinking about Calvin and how he is an individual in his own right, and he has blessed our family, I can also see how he has blessed and been blessed by other individuals who take the time to move past his disability within the church. And he sees it too. So it's not just like those around Calvin that are appreciating this, but he himself, he can feel the difference. So I think about here in particular, where he has people that have taken the time to get to know Calvin personally, his likes, his dislikes, who he is, and he will look for them. And Calvin is prone to eloping if he is having a hard time uh handling uh the amount of people, crowds, and sounds he might sneak away from me if I turn around. And my go-to now is to find his favorite people. So I look for Nikki, I look for Barb, um, who is his Sunday school aide, I look for Joel Venoyan, who always Calvin always goes straight to him to say hi and shake his hand. And Calvin does seem to be in his own little world often, but he knows the people that take the time to engage with him and really, you know, show him love and kindness, and he will go to them. And when you remove that barrier of, oh, this is someone who we pity because he can't talk to me and I don't really have the ability to get to know him. Well, even though he can't talk to you, like he does have his own personality and his own way to get to know you. He's a very affectionate little guy, and it's just a such a blessing to see when individuals take the time to really love on him and allow him to love them back.

Same Lake Different Boats In Practice

SPEAKER_08 15:38

Thank you. That's wonderful. Stephanie Hubach, I think is her name, has written a book called Same Lake, Different Boats. And I think to try to build off of that idea a little bit that we are all in the same lake, even if if dealing with different physical challenges, I just wanted to ask Nikki, as you work in the classroom and see kids with different needs, they're just kids at the end of the day. They're sinners who need a savior. They're in different boats in that sense, but in the same lake. How could you help a church understand that these families are in the same fallen world we are in while still honoring their unique and specialized challenges?

SPEAKER_02 16:11

Yeah. My understanding of this same lake, different bolts concept begins with the intrinsic value that we all share as image bearers of God. Some of the challenges we face in parenting and living with children with special needs, engaging with people with disabilities in the church are unique. We can and should avoid too extremes, treating people with disabilities as completely different or completely other, um, or conversely, ignoring the unique and often challenging circumstances that we face. In our wonderfully made classroom, we take seriously the commitment to assist dad and mom in the Christian nurture of their children. We teach the children about God's word. Each week we hear a portion of scripture, a Bible story. We tell the story in different ways to teach and reinforce. We ask questions, and the students have opportunities to answer in ways that they're able. Sometimes that's using an iPad talker, sometimes it's selecting a corresponding picture. We have portions of each lesson that applies what we've learned. We also ask the students to put into practice things we're learning, and they help in the classroom by cleaning up and sharing items with each other. They take turns with favorite activities. We pray together. In many ways, this is similar to all of our Sunday school classes. We also recognize that this time in class is a bit of a respite time for mom and dad. They're able to fellowship, they're able to attend adult Sunday school classes to commit to an area of service themselves. And I hope that they just feel loved and supported as we're getting to know and love them and their children. I hope that having an open dialogue involving the church and modeling some of these things that have blessed my own family have been an encouragement and a help to others in the church, as well as just really growing in this aspect of loving one another well.

Welcoming Spaces Sensory Needs Communication

SPEAKER_08 18:33

That's so, so good. Thank you so much for sharing that, Nikki. It reminds me, we're serving deacons on this interview, and then also we'll be using portions of this in a New Horizons article. But all of us have the responsibility to assist in nurture, like you said. We take that vow when kids come to be baptized. And I think that's what's really special about being covenantal and believing that our kids are actually participants in the body of Christ. We welcome them into our family through baptism. And then parents say by vow, I'm gonna help all of the families here together, which I think is really wonderful. Moving to Eddie and Hillary again, something I didn't totally understand, I think, until your family was asking some of these questions or thinking these things through. But a son who is nonverbal sounds and rhythms of a church service can feel really overwhelming. I wanted to just ask you from a parent's perspective, what are some ways a church's environment or culture uh could be more welcoming to a family whose uh son has special needs?

SPEAKER_07 19:30

Sure. I can comment a bit on the environment and Hillary on the culture. In terms of the environment, I think it's important for congregations, if they have the space, to allow for families with individuals in their family group affected by a disability to be able to go to in a time of need. And so, for example, a sensory room would be a wise thing to have. I recognize that not every congregation has their own building or enough space, but if you could help it, uh that that would be a help. And and to make that space separate from a cry room, for example. We want to serve uh not only our children with disabilities special needs well, but also our moms with newborn babies well. Aaron Powell But another thing that's helpful would be to communicate clearly. And a church can communicate in in a couple different ways. Uh one is when a visitor walks through your door and for the first time and you know, showing them where to go and where to be and being mindful of areas in the auditorium that might be a little more stimulating to the senses, for example, being in front of a speaker or in front of the accompaniment. But also you can communicate in your website as well. A lot of families that are affected by disabilities, they they hear of churches mainly by word of mouth, but some of them do check out a website before they visit a church. And if there is uh no language that shows that this congregation is mindful of the possibility of people of all sorts of backgrounds and different experiences and abilities coming through their doors, that might be a barrier from them coming by your church on a given Sunday. And so being mindful and saying, you know, if you have a class devoted to serving individuals with special needs or disabilities, to have it on the website. To, you know, as you lay out kind of what to expect in a church service, to say, you know, in this church service, you will hear kids who are crying, or you might hear noises that sound strange to you. And yet we delight in that. That shows uh the Lord's kindness and favor upon us and bringing uh young children in our way and people of different abilities uh through our doors. This is a sign of God's grand work of redemption. I think communicating in those ways will will be of encouragement to families with special needs. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_08 21:50

Yeah, Hillary, you have some thoughts on culture of churches?

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Yeah. So I think thinking back on what we talked about with getting to know the individual with special needs. Um, as well as their families, is really important, you know, to embrace them and welcome them in not just a superficial way, but in wanting to live life alongside them and including them both in the church and outside of the church. One of the things that I've talked to with other special needs parents is the desire for the church to provide opportunities to include special needs individuals in activities like VBS, prelude songs, like when the other kiddos go up there to sing, Sunday schools. This is the first time this year that Calvin has ever been in a Sunday school class. And it has been such a blessing to Calvin. And like I said, the people that he searches out the most are the people that are in his class and that have taken the time to get to know him, hold his hand, and just love on him. And I think having that where it is intimidating and it's going to look different. Um, but having that openness of actively having them participate in alongside other kiddos and other adults would be a blessing, you know, to those who are around him as well. Um, because we don't want to make uh individuals with special needs feel as other. So we want them to be able to participate to what they are able to do. And the answer for each individual is different. So sometimes they might say no, but I think to have the church provide the opportunity to always offer something as an option would be a blessing to the family. And then the family also can feel loved. And even if the answer is no, the family can also feel that's how I felt is I felt loved even when people say that they are willing to take Calvin. For me, where we had a church where we weren't able to have him and a Sunday school class, and people offered to be with him. And sometimes the answer was yes, and sometimes it was no. But I greatly felt loved when people would reach out to me and ask and offer to spend time with Calvin. So I think having a culture where the people are willing to actively engage with not just with the parents, but also with the individual with special needs is a blessing to I think everyone involved.

Beyond Greetings Toward True Community

SPEAKER_08 24:18

Thank you so much for that. Um back to Mike and Naomi. I'm going to start with Naomi on this next question. And then I have a systems question for you, Mike. I know you love systems. Um yeah. Um Naomi, as you've been working these last four years with the wonderfully made class at Grace Fellowship, how how do you see people moving beyond just saying hello in the foyer or just uh passing comments and instead work toward a community for people with experiencing different disabilities?

SPEAKER_04 24:46

Yeah, that's a good question. So it's been neat to see that happening. First of all, just the blessing of having the class for adults uh wonderfully made, because what I've heard and what's happened sometimes is they do grow out of their regular kids' Sunday school class, maybe, or the church doesn't have a you know class like Nikki's doing. And so there seems to be like no place for them. So um I think it's been such a joy to have the class for the adults because I've even asked parents, you know, like what are your thoughts on this? Like how just asking them questions, and they said, well, if there wasn't a class for, you know, my child, then either he just wouldn't be able to go to a Sunday school class like the rest of his age, or we wouldn't as a family. Kind of like Nikki touched on, it also serves largely, it serves as a family too. Yeah, this class was kind of bred out of Stephen when I was having a conversation with him, Mike's brother, and they had moved switched churches, they had come from another church to ours, and I just was conversing with him once and said, you know, what you miss about uh your church and how's that change gone? And he said, I really miss my Sunday school class. And that was kind of the seed planted where I started praying about is that something we could do, realizing that, yeah, you know, adults, even though he was in his 30s at the time, there still is a desire for that type of fellowship and a place to belong. And it's been a joy to see that, to be able to offer that to those who walk in the doors that might not be as comfortable in a regular traditional adult setting, or for whatever reason, maybe it's too big, too loud. You know, we have a lady that's hard of hearing, and that smaller setting, they can just it's a place where they truly feel like they can belong. And it's such a joy. Like we as well, we pray together, they have a voice because they're able to do what they're able to do. So if they can read, they'll read a portion of scripture. You know, we ask for prayer requests so they're able to participate rather than just be, you know, a person there, you know, in another class that maybe isn't able to participate like the rest. But as part of that, you know, like all of us, we all have different abilities and gifts. And again, I think a theme as I think through all of this, it's each person's unique. Every person with special needs is also unique, but each person still has a gift. So even a non-verbal autistic like Eddie and Hillary's, you know, I was thinking about that. Well, he could still participate, you know, by doing something that he's comfortable with, maybe with a buddy, like an older person or another child just being by the greeting table. There are definitely ways to be creative, to involve each person as they want. Maybe the answer is they're not comfortable with an opportunity, but we can get really creative and find ways where I think each could participate. So a few practical examples. We have a few of the men, they unofficially just are the best welcoming people. We have one of the ladies, she buddied up with a couple and she sits behind a welcome desk. So her presence is there. She feels like she's part of serving in that way. We have another who will join the greeters, you know. So there's just there's definitely ways to think through with each particular individual how they may enjoy serving. And maybe it's even the parents or another person in the body, you know, doing a card ministry with them. I know for Steven, he blessed so many by another godly woman who just wrote cards to those who were sick in the hospital or whatnot. And hearing those stories just such a blessing to hear how he touched so many people just with his card ministry. So there's lots of ways to be creative, to you know, use the gifts and include any individual in the church.

SPEAKER_08 29:01

And there's such a dignity in a person who has a variety of challenges that they have to face in their life, sensing like I'm really needed by the body of Christ in this.

SPEAKER_04 29:11

Absolutely. One more thing, too, is that really touched me in my 20s was fellowshipping. I was talking with an individual with needs, and at that particular moment I had a prayer request and I shared it with them. And I tell you, like that lady, her name was Sherry. When I saw her the next, I don't know how many months, she asked about that particular prayer request. And she took that so seriously, which really ministered to my heart because it showed me that, you know, I gave her a moment to be needed. I shared a prayer request and she blessed me in return by asking me when we saw each other, how is my nephew that was born mature? You know, and I just thought, man, like they are truly beautiful individuals that if we get to know them, we are so blessed in just numerous ways. So it's encouraging the body with stories like that to show them that there's so many opportunities to be blessed by and to be a blessing.

SPEAKER_08 30:16

Wonderful. Thank you so much, Mike. Your gift is to see opportunities in the future and kind of systematize and organize and create structures for them. If a deacon was just sort of looking at a blank slate opportunity at his church, what would you recommend, whether it's buddy systems or specialized classes or other uh other things that you think could be implemented by an OPC church deacon?

Systems Deacons Can Build Slowly

SPEAKER_03 30:39

Yeah, that's a great question. Um, I think it starts with observing, paying attention, knowing your sheep. And as has been mentioned previously, not making assumptions that, well, uh I'm assuming this would bless. I would just ask the families, ask the individuals, how can we walk alongside of you? What would be encouraging to you? And I think having that having that perspective, I think, is going to draw them out and and make them feel loved. And then they can speak into it. And then I think based on that, you can, like Naomi said, be very creative. One thing we've noticed here is that as we've been intentional, the Lord brings additional families with needs. Uh, it's striking. Um almost like they're talking, almost like, oh, you're you're thinking about this. That matters to us. This is really important. So I think if you just take baby steps, you know, one thing at a time, listen well, asking questions, I think then there's a whole host of different things you can do. And it's not going to be a one size fits all. Because some churches, you know, larger churches might have a number of different situations. Others might have one person who, hey, don't put barriers up. We want everyone to hear the gospel and to participate in the life of the church.

SPEAKER_08 32:02

So that's wonderful. Nikki, back to you. You're serving on the witness team. You want people from our community to be included at Harvest. What specific barriers would you see, whether it's like aspects of our building that could be improved, or sometimes maybe just an expectation, like if a kid is making noise, a family may bear some shame for that in our service. What are things that you think we could grow in as congregations to welcome people from our community?

SPEAKER_02 32:29

Yeah, I think we could think about several different reasons that f families or people are not coming. Perhaps they weren't even invited at all. In some cases, there may be very practical physical barriers that make it difficult to access the building. And maybe some do have a sense that they aren't welcomed or judged or that it's just too hard to come. If we loop back to that same lake concept, we all have the same call to worship. John Piper said in Let the Nations Be Glad that missions is not the ultimate goal of the church. Worship is.

Hidden Labor Marriage Support Siblings

SPEAKER_08 35:32

It's a practical application of the spirit to indwelling his people and moving toward each other. It will bear out in some unique ways, but uh on the special ways of formatting buildings, we did speak on the Reform Deacon to uh Stephen Tracy together with David Knockla and John Voss on August 1st, 2022. John Voss serves with me on the Committee of Daconal Ministries, and he is a builder and told us a lot of sort of ADA special things that need to be worked out in buildings. So if a listener wants to go back and uh find that, they certainly can. Talking to Hillary and Naomi, is there invisible labor involved that you'd want people to know about that deacons could step towards insurance phone calls, specialized meal preparation, ways that the church can just move toward families so that families are not isolated or doing everything on their own, but deacons are helping mobilize the congregation to serve families?

SPEAKER_04 36:23

Well, what comes to my mind is again, I think it's a theme of just like taking the time to ask what are the needs? How can we help these particular individuals, families? And so you're not gonna know it's not a one size fits all, it's gonna be different from one case to the other. So I've seen various things done, and sometimes it's not these individual adults going to the deacons, but it's often an advocate for them, either a parent or myself, or someone that has gotten to know the individual with needs and what the need is. And we can't, like anything, assume that either that the deacons are just to be able to read minds and know the needs. So we have to have the conversations. It has to also, you know, come from those with the needs going to the deacons, or the deacons just being proactive and regularly touching in with those with the needs and saying, you know, what are some ways that we can assist you and need help? Um and I've seen some really beautiful things done with deacons helping, and it just is through conversation.

SPEAKER_08 37:37

Yeah, Hillary, any thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 37:39

Yeah, like she said, it is really challenging to say, okay, here's a list because each individual is different. I can tell you how things would be helpful for Calvin, but I think something that I would like could be more applicable overall would be for the deacons or for the church to support parents in encouraging them to prioritize their marriage. It can be on the daily, you know, really challenging to have one parent be the main caretaker of an individual with special needs. And not having a marriage as a priority, like just talking about statistically, it's special needs is very trying on a marriage. And I think that having that priority of having a strong relationship with your spouse is such a blessing to parents, but also to the whole family unit. And I think that that's something that you know, a lot of parents can struggle with prioritizing date nights and time alone together. So I think encouraging parents in families in that situation and in special with special needs to really prioritize that and to make it possible for them to do that. So to help in things that are maybe creating barriers for that, be it finding individuals who are willing to help in in terms of babysitting for the family, or or whether it might be like financial things that are creating barriers, you know, trying to help to lessen that burden so that they can have resources in order to make that a priority. I think that that would be a blessing to them overall, the whole entire family.

SPEAKER_08 39:23

That's wonderful. Thank you. Mike wanted to ask. Sometimes I think siblings of kids with special needs, we or our families or churches can give attention of sort of how to care for and be intentional or even empower kids with special needs to serve. But looking back at your family's experience, I think it's possible also that we don't see other kids in families. Some people call this the glass children tendency. Can you just speak to how deacons or the church could serve a whole family and think about all the siblings and parents together?

SPEAKER_03 39:54

Yeah, it's interesting. I've never thought about this before, I don't think. You know, like I said earlier in the podcast, just growing up in a family with special needs was just normal. It was our story. And, you know, growing older, going away to college, having some perspective allowed me to process it a little bit. My parents did such a wonderful job as they cared for Stephen, also caring for my brother and me. And so I'm so thankful for that. I I don't recall as a kid feeling like the church was neglecting me as a sibling. I could see where that could happen. I think siblings and the individuals with special needs, parents, they they just need they need the gospel, they need healthy church community. Uh you know, there are uniquenesses, but they need the church to be the church. We don't want to sort of set up this. There's two churches within one church. There's a church for those with you know different disabilities, and then all the other people. We don't want to be part of the church. So I think looking back, I'm really grateful for uh my parents, but also the churches that I've been a part of didn't make me feel uh left out, partly because I think they were just churches being the church and um I could participate in that like everybody else. But I appreciate the question because I think it's it's something that deacons ought to be uh thinking about that special needs does impact not just an individual, not just parents, but siblings for sure. And um, so they can come alongside of families and you know, maybe the question they ask is they're shepherding their flock is um, how can we pray for you guys? What needs do you have? And uh, what about your children? Or ask us, ask us personally, like, how are you doing? And allow us to share what we can share.

Resources Takeaways And Closing Prayer

SPEAKER_08 41:47

That's wonderful. Well, I'm really grateful for the conversation today. I was really helped, honestly. I feel like I learned a lot of things that I had not thought about. So I'm really grateful for that. I'm gonna just read off a set of resources that I think our listeners should know about. Some of these are from Eddie Mercado's pastor's desk post for our church from August 15, 2025, ministering to and with those with special needs. So he references Johnny Erickson Tata's book, A Place of Healing. Stephanie Hubach, we mentioned uh Same Lake, Different Boats is a book. George Hammond uh wrote a dissertation, which is a little more academic if someone's more interested in something more academic on the image of God. And then Sandra Peoples, I just uh stumbled on a book that came out this last year from Crossway, uh, July 1st, 2025, called Accessible Church. So if a deacon wants to go more deeply, uh he could read that book. And she also wrote an article for the Gospel Coalition called Making Room at Church for Special Needs Families. But any other resources or books or things that you guys have found helpful that you could share?

SPEAKER_00 42:51

Personally, I have read Life We Never Expected, written by Andrew Wilson. It has been a blessing, and it has been a book that I've recommended.

SPEAKER_06 43:00

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:00

So he's a pastor and and they have two kids with special needs. And this book was really, I felt like a good way to kind of get an idea of the world of special needs and the parents' experience. So yeah, definitely a book I would recommend.

SPEAKER_08 43:16

Anyone else have uh books or resources you'd encourage people to read or yeah, stories or other things that would be helpful?

SPEAKER_03 43:23

There's an article, I think it's by Paul Martin, and the name of it is God Has a Heart for the Vulnerable. Do you? And um it was a really eye-opening read. And he talked about the danger, if I'm recalling accurately, the assumption that we make sometimes of finding value or placing value on individual for what they can contribute. Like often we'll say, Well, their smile lights up a room which gives them value, what they contribute to our church. And his argument is no, no, no. What gives them value is being made in the image of God. Because not every child can smile. Or there are situations that are really, really hard where on some level the church could could have a hard time figuring out is this individual contributing to the mission of this church? His whole argument is that is not what gives a person value. And for me, that was really helpful.

SPEAKER_08 44:23

So yeah, not functional, not reducing people to their function, but giving them intrinsic dignity in the image of God. It's so important. Yeah. Anyone else want to share anything before we wrap up?

SPEAKER_04 44:35

I thought this was really helpful too. Just thank you. And it was touching to hear from each of you. Appreciate this conversation.

SPEAKER_08 44:45

Yeah, excellent. Well, I'm going to close us in prayer. Lord God, thank you so much for your church. Thank you, Lord, that we look forward to a day without tears where everything broken and sad will be gone and you will give us, Lord, uh, new bodies, Lord. Our sin will not plague us anymore. Uh, we will see you face to face and freely worship you, Lord. Would you please, in anticipation of that day, create, Lord, gospel communities, uh, served by gospel servants, Lord, of your church, uh, deacons, elders, pastors. And I pray that uh in the future we would see continued growth in these areas, Lord, and that even this uh recording would be means that you use, Lord, toward strengthening your church. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you guys so much for joining me.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

Thank you.

SPEAKER_08 45:29

Thank you, everybody. Appreciate you. Deacons, we hope this episode was helpful and will be an encouragement to you in your labors for the Lord.

David Nakhla 45:36

Thanks so much for joining us. Special word of thanks to our producer, Trish Dugan, who works faithfully behind the scenes to bring this podcast to you. Be sure to visit our website, thereformdeacon.org, where you'll find all our episodes, program notes, and other helpful resources. And we hope you'll join us again soon for another episode of the Reformed Deacon Podcast.